On MC today after getting the bug from him.
Ah well.
Suppose to post some stuff on the films i have watched today.
Perhaps will just cut and paste some from the emails i have sent to a friend with my views thus far.
Just too groggy to think now.
Missed watching Since Otar Left which i heard from him was really one of the most memorable movies we have watched.
Wish i could have gone.
Blast my fever and damn cough.
*sniff*
Another accident after the Nicoll highway collapse.
Sometimes life cant help but struck me as being rather unfortunate.
Yes, many of us are not personally affected but i think most of us are nonetheless concern about what had happened and the missing people.
Hope that the families of the victims will be able to pull through this...
Who says that urbanization is always a good thing?
The Japanese visitors from the art museam finally left and the last couple of days have been a whirlwind of work and entertainment (dinner, dinner and more dinner). I seldom reached home before midnight and after the shower and winding down, it was just mere hours before i have to be up and working again. Not a good way to spend the last couple of days, especially when work is piling up like nobody's business. I will be dead by next thursday, i promise.
From the previous list of things to do, i have only managed to complete 8 progress&goals reports, 1 assessment report, 1 interview and 1 assessment (new, popped up nowhere unexpectedly). Way way WAY below what i should have completed by this time. I am contemplating skipping a couple of film fest movies over the weekend but i know i wouldn't. Ah. I will manage somehow. Some at least would be done, but how, i cant, for the life of me, imagine right now.
Terribly sleepy for the moment because after Tibet: Cry of the snow Lion last night, i had to wake up at 5 this moment to send the visitors off at changi. Not terribly impressed with the movie, maybe because i fell asleep midway, but it seemed quite lopsided to me. In any case, the film has a specific agenda and it was very clear as to what it was. Anyway, it felt like an over-extended documentary that we would never get to see on Arts Central. That said, i am, however sympathetic towards their cause and cry for democracy.
Other films thus far...
Parasite Dolls: OK anime but unimpressed with the storyline.
The Barbarian Invasions: Touching and funny. But totally not how i expected after reading the sypnosis (perhaps was expecting something less "linear"). Still good movie which will probably come out commercially.
Wheel of Time/Pilgrimage: Came out with tons of things to say about the Dalai Lama. Felt "cheated" for the folks who prostrated 3 years to reach gaya only to hear that most activities have been cancelled. Ironically, a year later, the Dalai Lama performed all the rites in Austria which he couldn't (didn't) in Gaya, India. Ok OK, don't lambast me for being critical. Cry of the snow lion showed off another side of the Dalai Lama and the only thing i will say now is that i am more impressed by his political views/leadership than his religious one.
Other than these thoughts, yours truly is almost certified braindead and will have to go conduct training for teachers in 2 hours time while pretending to be conscious. A mightily near-impossible effort. Wish me luck. Or perhaps, wish the trainees luck. Usually, my tolerance for stupidity falls a couple of notches when i am tired. The teachers got a whiff of that last week when some smartass made a couple of idiotic comments during the session.
Sigh.
Well, at least i am still surviving.
I have not been doing anything but working and working and working.
No time to blog.
No time to read.
No time to go to the movies.
(Film fest don't count because they are starting to feel like work too).
No time to meet friends.
No time to call up friends or sms.
(Damn excuses).
I have no idea where did my time go
except that i am fast running out of them.
Fast running out of energy
and patience.
44 more projected goals and progress reports to go.
4 more assessments report to go.
4 more interviews with parents to go.
I need to go
somewhere
soon.
To go.
You people out there.
Survive well too okie?
Program for FilmFest 04
1) Wheel of time (16/04/04 9:15pm Jade1)
2) Parasite Dolls (17/04/04 4:15pm Prince1)
3) The Barbarian Invasion (18/04/04 2pm Prince1)
4) Tibet: Cry of the Snow Lion (21/04/04 7pm Jade1)
5) The Tulse Luper Suitcases (24/04/04 2pm Prince1)
6) Young Adam (24/04/04 7pm Prince 1)
7) Jesus, You know (25/04/04 7pm Jade1)
8) Osama (29/04/04 7pm Prince 1)
9) Since Otar Left (30/04/04 7pm Prince1)
10) The Missing (01/05/04 2pm Prince1)
Was totally depressed on Good Friday and stayed in bed most of the day.
Well, except for the hour between 1-2 where i attempted to cheer myself up by eating sushi.
Not that it did much good because realized i have forgotten to bring my phone out so couldn't eat my lunch in peace.
Rushed home and zonked out again.
Only after much cajoling from him, managed to drag myself out from bed to make my way to his studio space and go for late dinner.
He has been really patient with me and tried to cheer me up though i have no idea what's bugging me.
Saturday was better.
Spent it at the studio where i completed a still-life and a rough sketch of him working at the table.
Had a short nap inbetween on the woollen ikea rug we bought.
Meet up with gpa, lainey and shan to buy groceries as lainey did us the honours by cooking all of us dinner.
*yum* Thanks lainey!!
Menu: Pasta, grilled veggies, baked rosemary chicken and wasabi cheese (ermm.. it's an acquired taste).
Sunday!
Woke up early to send my colleague off at the airport.
Had a nice leisurely breakfast at east coast park then R&R for the rest of the day.
Mood: Much much better.
I wonder was it me or him who jokingly said that i have predisposition towards Christianity because i got depressed on Good Friday when Christ was crucified and got more cheerful for no reason on Easter Sunday when Christ got resurrected.
Hmm.
I think i am the one who came up with this warped idea
He attributed it to PMS.
Finis, apparent on an earlier page,
With fallen obelisk for colophon
Must this be here repeated?
Death has been ruefully announced
And to die once is death enough,
Be sure, for any life-time.
Must the book end, as you would end it,
With testamentary appendices
And graveyard indices?
But no, I will not lay me down
To let your tearful music mar
The decent mystery of my progress
So now, my solemn ones, leaving the rest unsaid,
Rising in air as on a gander's wing
At a careless comma,
Leaving the Rest Unsaid by Robert Graves
So much things i want to say but didn't.
I am quite tired today.
Very lethargic.
Suffering from inertia.
Randomly selected one of my archives and read through some of my past drivels.
At times feeling ambivalent.
At times, a spark of something i don't want to remember.
I am okie.
Just lethargic.
And very tired.
If i hear just one more time, when i am asked what i do for a living,
"Wow! Does that mean you can read people's mind?"
or
"Hey, do you know what i am thinking now then?"
or
"Heh heh, are you going to come after me with a chopper in my shower?"
I am going to throw up on his/her lap and excuse myself politely after that.
Repeat after me...
Psy-Cho-Lo-Gist.
Psychologist.
Not Psychic.
Not Psycho.
Psychologist.
I don't read people's mind (like some cheap party trick).
I cannot, for the life of me, fathom what a simple mind (one who cannot differentiate between psychologist and psychic) like yours would be thinking about (i am so tempted to insert something rude here).
AND
I do not have a habit of chopping people up just because they make such duncical remarks (but oh yes, have i ever been tempted).
As to what do i really do as a psychologist... well, i shall leave that to another post when i am slightly more lucid and less livid.
The "D" key on the keyboard is feeling a bit funny.
Feeling quite awkward while typing it.
I hope i don't have to get it replaced or something... *frowns*
doh dopey diddle daddle dwindle doopy dope drats!
diddle doo da day
doh doh daddy doo da diddly doo
dum dum daddle dub dub doowah
Yaps.
Funny "D" key.
I love to drive with music blasting on the radio. I am not expert in music and do not have much preference except that they must have a strong and infectious beat (which could be anything like outkast or *gasp* britney). I don't pay much attention to the lyrics and switch from channel to channel (913, 933, 950, 980, 987 etc etc) just to skip anything with too much conversation. In the event of that there's nothing interesting on, i would revert back to my trusty CD collection which varies from 70s chinese oldies to grunge punk wannabes.
I drive like the music that i am listening to. Fast and furious (not to the point of reckless) for fast music and slow and relax (suitable for viewing scenaries) for the slow songs. I guess there are different music to suit different purposes for driving. It was a most horrific time for me when i was driving through Tasmania with virtually no music in the car (didn't bring any CDs and bad reception on the radio). I was feeling extremely frustrated and short-tempered while driving and has a tendency to feel sleepy (i used to be able to drive for 2-3hours if i have music on). It was also very hard to relax without music and i was quite tensed most of the time. In any case, i only started to enjoy my driving holiday once the music came back on.
Is he 'The One'?
I guess he is 'The One' for as long as the moment last...
and i do intend to make that moment last for eternity.
After all, don't we all just want to believe that at the end of the day, we all gave our best, regardless of outcome?
I shall take it as it comes.
But yes, for now, and hopefully for a long time yet, he shall be 'The One'.
Okie you. Stop laughing okie?
*chuckles*
I think over the past 3 weeks or so, my blog has been peppered with mushy little posts about him.
So here is another one.
Last couple of days i have enjoyed myself going out on "dates" with him. We didn't do anything interesting, just spending time going out, marketing, having dinner, breakfast, drinks and doing normal everyday things, just the two of us. There is an air of contentment all around and it was really nice to hear him say that he enjoyed doing these things with me while out one day having dinner at arab street. We chatted and laughed and occasionally fought (or as he said, agreeing to disagree). And just last night, we didn't really talk as we sat in his studio painting (me doing it badly and him faring quite well) though occasionally he would pop his head over to help me with mine. It was comfortable and a nice end to a long day. I think finally, we are both emotionally equal partners, as we were in many other ways.
I guess that's what i meant about me being able to see myself going home to him everyday for the rest of my life, as naive as that sounds.
Colleagues and close friends had remarked that i can "talk alot". I distinctly remembered hidden mirth of laughter over a dinner with colleagues when i said that i should learn to speak up more. That's a little perplexing because while growing up, my parents had always complained that i am like an oyster, tightlipped all the time. I guess i grew up with the self-image of a rather quiet girl.
As of how i usually deal with interesting paradoxes, i presented this case to him and asked him for his opinion. He carefully said, "I think you are _opinionated_".
Righttttt.... and that means what, i asked him. Then he said something rather interesting.
"I think you only speak alot when you find someone worthwhile to speak to"
Hmm... for some reasons, that sounds remarkably flattering.
The choice between cat and dog.
No contest.
Definitely, a cat.
Despite all the good things that is to be said about having a dog (faithfulness, unfailing attention and love, blah blah blah), those are the exact things which i cannot really deal with in a pet. I wonder if it is my personality to view unerring devotion with trepidation rather than accepting it wholeheartedly. Perhaps i am really a pesismist (or realist?) since i find having something or someone constantly putting you on a pedastal and thinking that you are his everything (source of food, companionship, love etc) very frightening and unreal because, at some point in time, i might not be all those things to that something/one (whatever).
I guess i just can't believe that i would ever live up to that expectation. Hence it is ultimately pressurizing to have a dog, emotionally at least. Now, a cat fits me well because it only demands my attention sometimes and i can live with it dumping me aside whenever it feels like it. I am free to be on my own too whenever i want to without feeling bad not playing with it sometimes. Of course, the basic needs of food and shelter and being a responsible pet owner are all met since that's the bottomline of pet ownership. But if it is the quality of the interaction we are talking about here, then i rather prefer the companionship of a cat than a dog.
Likewise in my relationship, i would much rather have an equal partner (e.g. a cat) than one where i am constantly worshipped (e.g. a dog).
Does that make any sense?
:)
Him: "Your cat is very smart leh."
Me: "huh? Why?"
Him: "He can speak a foreign language."
Me: "What?" *flabbergasted*
Him: "Ya, you don't know meh? He speaks 'Bird' also"
Me: *Blink hard*
Him: *With a straight face* "Ya. I heard him just now"
In case you think that he is totally insane, let me clarify. My cat speaks 'Bird' if you considered 'Bird'-talk constitute of little mew/yelps my cat makes whenever he sits down to do some bird-watching at my balcony door. I am not sure if the birds understood him or vice versa but he looked like he is having fun "communicating".
While listening to "Vincent" being played at the lobby in Esplanade, i have lost connections to the material world for a few minutes. I am sorry to say that for a few minutes, everything else including you was cut off from me and that i was quite happy sinking into that sublimical music. There is just something about live instrumental pieces that gets to me, that holds me in my tracks trancelike while the world revolves around me.
Something new happens everyday...
In the 3 odd years working as a psychologist, i have experienced many "difficulties" and "injuries" while working with the children. I have been kicked, pushed, tripped, thrown things at, spat at, hit and shoved at. Once i even had my wall maimed when a child thrown a table at it and made a big hole in it. But today is the first time i have been *seriously* bitten by one of the older child (i.e. stronger) on my wrist. The last time, a smaller child bit me on my thigh but though my thick denim skirt so no serious damage was done. This time round, damage assessment had me with a swollen right wrist (why? why always my right hand??) with deep teeth marks and it is starting to hurt like hell though i didn't feel anything when it happened. I suspect the whole thing will turn purple soon.
I got bitten while trying to stop him from hitting his head (very hard) with his two hands and he was also starting to bang his head on another child. Not being new to the job, i did try to take the necessary precautions like stopping him from behind instead of the front (more target area will present itself you see) but i didn't realized that he was much stronger than some of the other children that i had and feeling extremely frustrated at that moment (that always lends more strength to the child) so he bit me while i was trying to pin his two hands down from hurting himself and then he refused to let go. I didn't feel anything at the moment though the teacher was rather shocked. It was tough getting to child to let go of my wrist when he was biting down with all his strength and frustration, and i had to press down on his lower jaw and telling him firmly to stop it, before he let go. The teacher tried to help but it was also quite difficult for him because i was stuck in a rather confined space with the child. Ah I guess that's what you call occupational hazard?
Wrestling children to stop them from hurting themselves, others (myself included), and destroying property is part of the job i guess, though i am thankful it is not a daily occurance since the main point of professional help is to stop such episodes from occuring in the first place. But, there are unforeseenable instances like this one occasionally. Still, nothing a little antiseptic cream and plaster doesn't fix. *grins*
